Love or Marriage
by RebelWade
Summary: Lorelai confesses her feelings to Luke during their bell-breaking coup in 4x11, In the Clamor and Clangor. Rated M to be safe.
1. Chapter 1

**Started as a one-shot and I'm turning it into it's own fic. Thanks to all those who encouraged it!**

 **Fill-in of thoughts and extended/extra scenes in episode 4x11, In the Clamor and Clangor. This takes place after Luke tells Lorelai he's living with Nicole and they fight at the diner, and after he shows up at her place shoveling snow for another fight.**

 _Three weeks. Three damn weeks! How the hell could he be so non-chalant about this? Have I been reading more into our friendship than I should have? God, I feel like I'm nothing to him! Is he just the diner guy and I'm just a regular customer he banters about coffee with to get good tips? Is that all I am to him?_

Lorelai was furious. She held back tears as her anger fumed. She paced her house looking for something to distract her but every step was met with increasing rage at the fact that Luke had moved in with _Nicole_ three weeks ago and failed to mention it to her. She had seen him nearly every day for the past three weeks, so he had every chance to update her on such an important life decision. In fact…

 _When did he even have time to move? Wouldn't I have noticed? Seen his truck packed up or boxes around the diner? I didn't even know he and Nicole were so... on that level. They're not! They can't be! They just decided to give it another shot! What the hell is he thinking?_

She felt betrayed, and she knew she was more hurt than she should be, but she justified it through their friendship. Lorelai is strong and independent, a woman who is not easily shaken, but this shook her, and she was struggling to avoid the reasons why. She tries more than anything to avoid those reasons. Luke was always in the back of her mind as someone who supported and cared for her, who she thought of romantically from time to time, but each of those times, she dismissed the thought immediately because she never opened herself up to something if there was a possibility that she could get hurt. She never sought a man unless he sought her first, knowing she wouldn't be rejected. She's shared moments with Luke that seemed to indicate he was interested, but he never acted, so she wrote it off and buried any glimmer of feelings she had for him.

"I have to get out of the house." She resolved, feeling like she was going crazy. She grabbed a coat and hat from the closet and walked out the door to try and clear her head.

 _Get a fucking grip, Lorelai._ She thought to herself. _Just face it… Luke moved. He's with Nicole. He's—_

The church bells rang loudly, clanging through her thoughts. The rang on and on, disrupting any train of thought she had. She found herself in front of Luke's diner, frustrated and feeling like a little rebellion would do her some good.

The airy ring of the bells on the diner door jingled as she walked in and stood before Luke. He stepped toward her, braced himself for round three.

"Wanna help me break the bells?"

Luke nodded and agreed without hesitation. "I'll get my toolbox."

Both parties felt relieved, like the tension had settled now that they were talking about something different and about to spend time together as friends once again.

 _Okay._ Lorelai told herself as he turned around to retrieve his tools. _We're okay. Maybe I was overreacting or thinking too much into this._ She swiped a donut and followed Luke upstairs.

"I'll just be a sec," Luke said, making a B-line to the closet.

Lorelai paused, completely confused upon entry into Luke's apartment. Because it was just that—Luke's apartment. She was expecting an empty office with supplies here and there, maybe some things leftover from the move, items that needed to be stored. But there stood before her, a fully-lived-in apartment: dirty dishes piled up in the sink, bed unmade, clothing strewn across the bedroom, not at all moved out of. She took in the sight, trying to wrap her mind around the thousands of explanations swirling around her head, but none added up to make any sense. For some reason, she realized, Luke wanted her to _think_ he had moved in with Nicole. But she didn't want to fight anymore, at least not yet, so she faked a smile and they headed towards their conquest.

They arrived to the church and were back to their old routine: Lorelai playing with flashlights, Luke telling her to stop, Luke explaining why Lorelai's ideas were irrational, Lorelai finding dirty jokes at every possible chance, friendly and quick banter which they both always enjoyed. Luke outed himself as the previous destroyer of the bells and Lorelai realized she was in better company than she ever intended to be. When the conversation turned to Luke's tools, Lorelai couldn't stop herself from prying… She had to know.

"So um… why wasn't your toolbox at your new place?"

"I needed it here," Luke said, looking up at the bell tower with his flashlight.

"Huh," Lorelai was unconvinced, "Moving usually requires lots of tools. Hanging things, putting things together…"

Luke's response was automatic. "Nicole hired a professional picture hanger, we didn't have anything to put together. Hand me the screw driver." He stretches his hand out.

"Philips or flathead?" she replied in a matter-of-fact tone, enjoying Luke's look of surprise. "I know things."

"Philips."

She hands him the screwdriver.

Lorelai decided to stop skirting around the issue. "Luke, how come you told me you moved?"

"I did move."

"Well you may have moved but none of your stuff did."

"What are you talking about? Hey hand me the open-ended wrench."

Lorelai let out an exacerbated breath. "Luke, I was in your apartment. It's _exactly_ the same."

"No it's not."

"I just think it's weird you're pretending to move when you didn't."

Luke moved from his work station to look at her, frustrated by her questioning. "I _did move."_

"Luke your bed wasn't even made," she prodded further.

"So?"

"There were dishes in the sink. There was some kind of shake in the blender, MegaMan protein powder on the counter- remind me to mock you for that later, by the way."

"Can we talk about something else? Or, better yet, let's not talk and just get this done," Luke said, feigning friendliness.

"Does Nicole think you moved?" Lorelai knew she could get to him if she pushed the right buttons.

"Of course she thinks I moved, I did move!" His voice growing louder with each syllable.

"Do you sleep there?" The more minute and intimate questions would break him and it was obvious to her that he didn't.

"Of course I sleep there," Luke's responses became shorter and he was getting annoyed that he couldn't finish his work on the bells without her interruptions.

"When was the last time you slept there?"

"I live there."

"So last night?"

Luke scratched his head through his baseball cap. "Yeah- I had an early delivery and it didn't make sense to sleep there."

Lorelai started to laugh beneath her breath, "the day before?"

"I was there for dinner?"

"And after dinner?"

"Nicole was getting a sore throat so it made sense to go back to my place and not get sick!" Luke explained, proud of himself for his excuses.

"Your place." _Got him_.

"My old place!" He quickly corrected.

"You didn't say your old place, you said your place!"

"Well I meant my old place."

Luke would not let up, and the questions she had masked in competitive banter were now frustrating the hell out of her.

"Luke, you don't live with Nicole." Lorelai was fed up with this game. She was emotional and confused and would get the answers she needed whether he liked it or not.

"Yes. I do." Luke refused to back down.

"You watch her TV, you eat her food, you keep stuff in a duffle bag at her house. You're a rude guest, not her boyfriend!"

"Husband."

"Whooole other discussion," she argued with an involuntary, yet obligatory eye roll.

"You know what," Luke said, also fed up with this conversation, "you're doing it again."

"Doing what again?"

"You're passing judgement on my relationship with Nicole."

"I'm not passing judgement."

"You passed judgement on our marriage, you passed judgement on our divorce, and now you're passing judgement on our living together."

Lorelai couldn't believe that Luke was so oblivious to what she saw. "I'm not passing judgement on you living together. _You're_ passing judgement on you living together… by not living together!" Her throat felt tight as she fought back tears. _Why does he fight so hard to make me think he's with her?_

"You know, I was a little tipsy on that cruise ship but I don't remember anyone pronouncing us husband and wife and _Lorelai._ " At this point, Luke had forgotten about his job and turned his attention to his opponent.

"They may as well have because I spend as much time as you do," biting sarcasm even more apparent in her voice than usual.

"And the judgement's back!"

"I could move in with you guys and you wouldn't know."

"You know, none of this is any of your business."

Lorelai had had enough. "It's absolutely my business!" She raised her voice.

"How?" He asked incredulously.

"Because!" She was trying to think more quickly than she spoke. She hesitated some, trying not to reveal too much, but the words kept spilling out in her hot anger. "I wasted a week of my life adjusting to the idea that you had moved, only to find out that you haven't moved!"

"How much adjusting did you have to do?" Luke recanted. Lorelai tried to keep her breath steady, refusing to break, wondering when the tables turned on her in this argument. "Nothing's changed! I still see you every day! I still cook your food! I still serve your coffee! _What do you care?_ "

Lorelai's resolve broke. Her voice softened as she let her feelings consume her, unable to avoid them any longer. "I care," her voice was almost a whisper.

" _Why?_ " Luke begged, desperate for a real answer.

"Because I don't want you to move."

Luke needed more than that. "Why?" They had come to moments like this so many times before but neither of them had ever taken that last step to confirm to the other what they already knew, though it was knowledge that they both kept hidden within themselves. "Why don't you want me to move?" His voice was low and sincere. His eyes desperate.

Lorelai's chest burned as she looked at the ground in front of her. She shook her head, hating that he was putting this on her, making her say it. She kept her voice barely above a whisper, fearful that if she were any louder her voice would waver. "Luke… you know. I know that you know."

Luke's tone matched hers. _"What, Lorelai? What do I know? What do you want?"_

She looked at him, her chin quivering, tears on the brink, but she refused to let them fall. She shrugged as she gave in.

"You."

And just like that, everything that had ever gone unsaid was out in the open, clear as day, understood between the two of them.

"You told me to go." Luke's voice started low, but grew louder as though he was processing everything as the words were formed. "You said there was no reason that I shouldn't go, Lorelai. I went because you told me to go!"

She knew immediately that he was talking about the cruise. "Yeah, I said you should go! I was trying to be a good friend!" She yelled, barely holding it together, trying to put together what was happening. "I didn't say you should get married!"

Luke turned around and in a flash, Lorelai saw him punch the wall of the church as he yelled, " _dammit_!"

Lorelai was unsure of what to do, eyes wide, tears finally falling. "Luke…" she said, her voice shaking. She had seen him mad before, but never physically violent.

Luke stood leaning with his arm against the wall, his back to Lorelai as he tried to calm himself down. He couldn't look at her. "One word from you and I would have left her at the dock, Lorelai. One word. I gave you every chance. I've _given_ you every chance to just say something!" He turned to face her again.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" Lorelai's sadness had turned quickly into anger. _"You_ have given _me_ every chance?" She let out a frustrated laugh. "Unbelievable. I have given you more moments and more chances than I can even count! You cannot put this on me! The ball has been in your court. You should have done something! Said something!"

" _You're out of my goddamn league, Lorelai! Look at you!"_ Their eyes were fixed on one another, anger stirring from across the room. Lorelai's tears, whether from sadness or rage, continued to streak her face, her eyes wide at witnessing his fury. "Of course there were moments. I saw moments everywhere because I wished for them, hell, _I prayed_ for them, but I convinced myself they were all in my imagination because you would _never_ go for me! You go for guys like Christopher and that teacher- clean cut guys who come from money! You don't want me! You couldn't have possibly wanted me! And if for some reason you did, it had to be you that said something! It had to be, Lorelai!"

Hurt consumed Lorelai and suddenly all she wanted to do was escape. "I can't believe you think I'm so stuck up and self-absorbed." She wiped tears from her face. "Well you got your wish, Luke. I said it."

"Well it's too late."

Lorelai nodded, a small sob escaped from her throat. "Yeah, I guess it is," she said as she turned and fled through the door.

"Lorelai, wait."

She didn't.

"Lorelai!"

…

She didn't know where to begin processing everything that just happened. She felt like an idiot. She hates being vulnerable, and she did it even when she _knew_ it would hurt her. The feelings and emotions she masks under her wit had been uncovered and she hated it. She should never have said anything. It was better to ignore because at least they could always be friends… but now? She didn't know. She marched into her house, shedding her coat and hat on the floor, and plopped onto the couch. With her head in her hands, she wept silently.

"You're seeing someone."

Luke's voice startled Lorelai and she stood quickly, wiping the tears from her eyes and turning to face him as he stood in the opening to the living room behind the couch.

"Don't tell me you're not because I know you. Your clothes are tighter and more low-cut. Your skirts are shorter even when its freezing, your perfume is different when you're planning on seeing him, and you try to work him into your schedule so you're at the diner at different times. You don't like to tell me when you're dating, but I can tell when you are." Luke was breathing deeply, like he had just run to her house. Lorelai walked around the couch on the opposite side of the room as she continued to allow her mind to catch up, wondering if she left the door open or if she just didn't hear him come in.

"Yeah, well I didn't have any other _clear_ offers," she retorted.

"Don't do that. No more jokes or hiding behind your verbal marathons."

Fine, she wasn't in the mood anyway. If he wants the truth, he can have it. "Yeah, I am seeing someone… Jason… But he doesn't mean half as much to me as you do, Luke."

He rolled his eyes.

"Don't roll your eyes at me!" she said, arms pointing at him angrily. "Don't you dare act like I don't care about you, Luke! We've been through too much! The fact that you think I'm some Hartford snob who only dates men who come from money goes to show how little you really know me!

"That night we were supposed to paint the diner- what happened?"

She felt a pain in her chest, remembering how much she had hurt him the night she stood him up, realizing how much it affected him if he is still hurt by it. "Luke, that has nothing to do with this!"

"Were you with him? Christopher? Did you sleep with him that night instead of coming to paint the diner?" His voice cracked, but he was insistent.

"Luke…"

"Just answer."

She paused for what seemed like minutes.

"Yes." It came out in a strangled whisper. "And the night before that we sat on the floor of your diner and I waited for you to kiss me. You didn't."

Luke couldn't have stared at her more intensely and she could see him trying to think all of this through, make sense of it like she was trying to do.

"Luke, I— "

"I'm married." He said it quickly, as though he'd known he needed to say it this whole time but had to force it out. His voice was low, full of regret.

She scoffed and rolled her eyes, "On a drunken whim, Luke!"

"Whim or not, I have to own my mistakes and try to make such a huge commitment work. This isn't just a light decision I made at a drive through! I can't just give up so easily."

"Which is the most frustrating thing about all of this!" She yelled, not thinking before she spoke. "Of course you have to try because it's you! But its keeping me from you, and it's also one of the stupid reasons I love you!" Her eyes widened a moment later after realizing her confession… Confessing it to herself for the first time as well.

Silence deafened the room for what seemed like an eternity. Lorelai's mind was running a mile a minute trying to find ways out of this.

In three large strides, Luke crossed the room and closed the distance between them with an unexpected and fiercely passionate kiss. Lorelai stumbled slightly and moaned into him as he caught her by surprise. She sank into the kiss as she felt his warm arms around her waist. She took his face in her hands and wrapped her arms around his neck, whimpers and moans escaping with every new and intense touch.

Minutes later, Luke pulled back and leaned his forehead against hers, holding her in his tight embrace. "Why didn't you tell me before?"

"I don't know," she confessed. "I would never let myself really love you because I didn't know if you—"

"I do. I have. For so long."

Lorelai smiled, leaning into him. They both sigh in the other's arms for a moment before she lifted her lips to his once more, but Luke stepped back an inch.

"But, I can't." The words were physically painful for him to get out.

She grabbed his shirt in her fists as her smile furrowed into pain. "No. Please."

"I'm sorry."

He squeezed her tightly, knowing he had to leave, but desperate to hold on for one moment longer. He kissed her forehead.

"I'm sorry," He whispered again, and walked away, refusing to look back, knowing he wouldn't be strong enough to leave if he didn't go now.

She stood in a stunned silence in the middle of her living room and watched the man she loved walk away from her. Sadness, anger, jealously, outrage, hurt, betrayal… So many emotions took over her that she decided not to deal at all. She faced her head forward, stood up straight, and walked up the stairs to her bed, hoping tomorrow she'd wake up and find this all to be a nightmare.


	2. Chapter 2

You know those nights you're so emotionally and mentally drained that you're positive you'll pass out and sleep like a baby as soon as you hit the sheets but you somehow still can't sleep and it makes you want to scream? It was one of those nights for Lorelai. She tossed and turned in her bed, replaying the night's events over and over like a bad song that was stuck in her head.

" _Were you with him? Christopher? Did you sleep with him that night…?"_ Her stomach churned as she remembered Luke's words. _Why would he bring that up? And why did I have to be the one to tell him I loved him? I mean, he said he loved me too, right? "I do. I have. For so long." For so long? How long? I just figured it out tonight! I mean maybe in the back of my head I've known for a while, but if he's known "for so long" why the hell couldn't he—_

The bells started to ring again. Lorelai looked at the clock and saw that it was only 9:00. "UGH! Are you kidding me?!" She sat up quickly and got out of bed, throwing on a coat over her t-shirt and sweatpants and marched over to the diner. When she arrived, she reached up over the door frame to find the spare key that Caesar told her was there when she asked him to let her in to paint the diner. She winced again at the thought of that night and let herself in.

She pounded loudly on his apartment door.

Luke answered in his sweats and t-shirt; his shoulders dropped at the sight of her, "Lorelai, Are you okay?"

She let out a breathy laugh and walked past him into the apartment. "You didn't even finish the job, Luke! God, you couldn't just break the damn bells so people could sleep through the night?! That was so inconsiderate!"

Luke's eyebrows shot up, this was not where he thought this was going. "Um, ok… I can, uh… I'll go back to the..." He started walking to the chair where his jacket hung. "I'll go finish it. Sorry."

"You just left, Luke!"

"Yeah, you said that… and I said I'll go back." Luke looked at her to convey that he heard her and picked up his coat.

"You kissed me and then you just left before I could even wrap my head around the fact that we both just confessed our feelings for each other!" Luke sighed and set his jacket down, seeing that she didn't actually care about the bells right now. "How do you think that made me feel? How did you think we could just leave things there are not talk about this?"

Luke held his hands up, asking her to calm down. "Okay, okay. You're right. I just…"

"Why did you leave?" Her throat suddenly felt tight, her voice beginning to waver again.

He looked at her with sincerity and sadness, "I had to."

She gave him a what-the-hell-are-you-talking-about look and raised her voice again, "but why?!"

"To stay faithful to my wife, Lorelai! My god, I was standing there holding you and kissing you for the first time and it was better than anything I'd ever dreamed before and I knew that if I stayed a second longer…" His rant faded when he realized how much he was saying.

"You've dreamed?" She said softly.

Luke looked down at his hands, trying to hide a small smile. "More than I care to admit."

Lorelai's heart pounded but she refused to let the smile in that was trying to force its way to her lips. She would protect herself more now, she resolved. _Don't be so vulnerable. Don't let him in too far. Get your answers and leave before he hurts you more._

"Well, that's the last thing I want from you right now," she said coldly, noticing that he had been holding his right hand gently with his left, wincing as he massaged it. The image of Luke punching the wall flashed in her mind, sadness taking root in her chest at the memory.

Luke laughed. "Fair enough."

"You hurt your hand."

"Yeah, but its fine."

"Sit down." She took her coat off and draped it over the table before walking towards the refrigerator.

"What are you doing?"

"Just sit!"

Luke sat in a chair at his kitchen table as Lorelai opened the freezer. It was stocked full—frozen fruits, vegetables, pounds of meat, Lean Pockets. Once again, nothing to suggest that someone _wasn't_ living here. She looked back at him, questioning the situation with her head cocked.

"Don't even start," Luke said, shaking his head.

Satisfied that she had proved her point again, she sifted through the food until she found a bag of peas and grabbed a dish towel from the counter. She walked back and sat down next to him with her hand stretched out.

"Give me your hand," she demanded.

Though Luke would normally argue and say that this wasn't necessary, he thought it wise to choose his battles tonight, so he offered his hand to her willingly.

She tried to ignore the electricity she felt under his touch. They had touched before, so why was such a simple thing different now? "You scared me tonight," she told him quietly as she placed the peas over his knuckles, "I've never seen you be violent."

His stomach dropped. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you. It's just that all of this pent up frustration came out at once and I snapped."

She nodded and draped the dish towel over the bag of peas, molding it to his hand and tying it in place. "You had no right to get so angry with me," she said, securing the knot and releasing his hand. "Keep that on for 20 minutes." She stood and turned with her hands on her hips, wandering a few feet away, acting like she was looking around the room. She was too restless to stay seated and she needed to look away from him in case she started crying again.

Luke held onto his pea-casted hand. "It's not that I'm angry with you," he said, processing as he went, "I'm angry with this whole situation."

She nodded, still turned away. "Yeah."

"I'm angry that I settled for less and got on that fucking cruise." Luke's tone began to get more forceful, passion growing in his words. "I'm angry that I've wasted years of my life being so goddamn infatuated with you, but I've stood in the sidelines as you dated any other guy." Luke stood and flung the peas off his hand, he watched the back of her head as she shook it in disbelief, looking toward the ceiling. He knew she was frustrated, but he was processing everything out loud and wasn't going to stop until she was honest with him too. She came here to talk about this, so he would get her to talk. He walked towards her slowly. "I'm angry that I've been lying to myself, trying to convince myself that it would never work between us."

Lorelai kept her back to him and her eyes toward the ceiling, trying to keep the tears that were puddling in her eyes away from her cheeks. "You never asked," she whispered.

He continued walking toward her. "I hate myself because I never asked."

She squeezed her eyes shut and tears fell. His words were getting more and more painful to hear.

He stopped a foot away from her. He paused and looked over her the perfect body in front of him. Even in sweats and a t-shirt, he couldn't help but to be drawn in by her figure. His hand rose and rested itself on her waist. Lorelai sharply sucked in a breath of air, startled by the contact. "And I hate myself for picturing you when I'm with her." His other hand reached for her hair and he stepped closer as he moved the dark locks over her shoulder so that his mouth hovered above her bare neck. Lorelai's eyes were wild and her breath labored, but she stood frozen, unable to move away from his touch. His hand moved from her hair to the other side of her waist and inched forward to caress her stomach. He breathed her in deeply and bunched her t-shirt in his fists to force him not to move them any further. Lorelai finally caved into his touch, exhaling harshly and leaning her back into his chest. Her hands covered his over her stomach allowing his fists to relax and she closed her eyes, savoring the moment. They both breathed heavily, trying to tell themselves to stop and step away from the other, but unable to resist the magnetic force between them. Luke's lips hovered over her neck, brushing her skin slightly every few seconds, but he tried to resist his desire to devour her. But Lorelai's desires were in sync with his. She slowly raised her arm behind her head and brushed her fingers through his hair, pushing his head just enough so that his lips fully made contact with her neck, and he lost his strength. He groaned at her coaxing and pulled her in more tightly against him, his mouth passionately tasting and sucking her soft skin. Lorelai let out a breathy moan as his hands quickly lifted the hem of her shirt and made contact with the warm flesh of her stomach.

The shrill sound of Lorelai's phone echoed through the apartment and they quickly separated, startled by the noise and snapping them out of their moment. Lorelai furrowed her brow and fixed her shirt before walking to her coat to get her phone, avoiding eye-contact with Luke.

Luke came to his senses, "Lorelai, I'm sorry," gesturing for her to come back. She picked up the phone and looked at the caller. "Please don't answer right now."

"Jason, hi!" Lorelai answered with fake enthusiasm. Luke's heart sank and rolled his eyes in annoyance. "Oh, good, glad you're home safe with… all the snow and… everything." She glanced at Luke as he stared at her, then focused on the floor in front of her. "I'm fine, just, it's been a long day. Can I call you ba…" She paused to listen. "My place…" she repeated something Jason had said, pausing to look at Luke while she thought. "Um… What about your insomnia? … Oh well, how chivalrous of you… Yeah, sure. Come on over," more fake enthusiasm. Luke laughed in exacerbation and threw his hands in the air. She said her goodbyes and hung up the phone.

"I should go," Lorelai said, putting her coat on.

"Do you love him?" Luke demanded.

Lorelai looked at him with disgusted annoyance. "We just started dating and that doesn't even matter."

"How does that not matter? What just happened here?"

"What matters is that you're with Nicole, Luke! You told me that you're choosing her!"

Luke's demeanor calmed and his eyes softened, internal anger directed toward himself again.

"Am I right? Are you? Are you staying with her? Are you trying to work things out?" She asked.

Luke's voice was low and soft. "Yes," he said, never before understanding how badly it could physically hurt to speak. "You're right. I'm sorry."

"I am right," she replied before pausing to think for a moment. "And I think you were right too." He raised his eyes, giving her his attention. She knew what she had to say, but she stood there just trying to breathe, knowing that she would cry if the words came out of her mouth, but she couldn't push the feelings away. She looked down and shook her head, a sob escaping. Luke's worry brought him closer, his instinct bringing him to reach to hug her, but she held up a hand to keep him at a safe distance.

"I wish I had never said anything," she cried, "because I don't know if we can come back from this, Luke. I don't know if I can just be your friend now."

"Lorelai… We fight all the time."

"This is different."

He couldn't disagree, but he didn't want to believe that what she was suggesting was true.

"And you were right to leave my house earlier tonight," she continued, tears streaming, "We shouldn't be alone together anymore."

He nodded reluctantly. But as she turned to leave, his desperation consumed him, realizing that he could lose her completely. "Wait, Lorelai." She turned back to him, the pain in her eyes more apparent than ever, begging him to let her go. "Promise me you won't go back home tonight and… and… _be_ with Jason." His chest ached. He couldn't stand the thought of Lorelai going home to him.

"Luke…" She looked at him knowingly. She knew she would do exactly that- go home and force herself to move on; sleep with Jason to convince herself that she's with him, give herself a distraction, get over this night, release her frustrations. She shook her head and started walking away again.

"Ok, wait, wait!" Luke moved in front of her and grabbed her shoulders so that she would look at him.

"Luke, please! Just let me go home!"

"Ok, I will, I swear. Just… come in for breakfast tomorrow, or lunch, and I'll show you that we can still be friends. Be you and me. Like always. Things don't have to change."

"I don't know, Luke. This is a lot to just ignore, you know?"

"Please. Nothing will be different. I'll be condescending about your food choices and you can make fun of my bad mood and it will be perfect and happy, just like normal."

She smiled ever so slightly. She didn't want to lose him either. And if that meant faking some polite banter until they could get back their friendship, it was worth it. She looked over and saw the peas on the table.

"Or argue with me about how irrational men are?" She said looking into his eyes. She pointed to the peas, "20 minutes on, 20 minutes off."

He glanced to where she pointed and grinned. "Peas are for sissies."

She smiled and nodded. "Ok. I'll see you tomorrow." Then she walked past him and went home.


	3. Chapter 3

Lorelai awoke the next morning and turned in her bed to find herself next to a different man than the one she woke up thinking of. She shook her head and brought herself back to reality. Jason stirred as she got out of bed and started putting her clothes on.

"Morning, beautiful," Jason greeted.

"Hey," Lorelai smiled and finished throwing her shirt over her head, "did you sleep at all?"

"I read my book and stared at my hot, naked girlfriend for most of the night, but I nodded off a couple hours ago."

Lorelai laughed lightly at his quirkiness and leaned in to kiss him. "I'll go make some coffee."

She liked Jason. A lot. There was no reason for her to _not_ like him. He was funny and could keep up with her witty remarks, he was quirky and unique, he adored her, and her mother hated him. She really, really liked him. But right now she was having to remind herself of all those reasons so she wouldn't feel guilty for wanting someone else.

Jason walked into the kitchen as she was pouring the coffee into two cups. He walked up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist. "Last night was amazing," he said into her ear.

That particular position was too reminiscent of Luke the night before. She turned around quickly and handed him his cup. "Yeah, it was nice," she lied, mentally searching topics to change the subject.

"Nice isn't how I'd really describe it," Jason argued, "hot, rough, and steamy, maybe, but not nice."

Lorelai faked a laugh behind her coffee cup. _That's what a night of mental, physical, and emotional frustration will do to a girl,_ she thought. "I need to get ready for work. Can I see you some other night this week?" she asked. She was ready to invest in this relationship, she just needed time to readjust and get back to being herself.

They agreed on a night and Jason left for work while Lorelai showered.

…

Luke poured coffee into Sookie's cup. "Just you this morning?" He asked, hoping she wasn't waiting on Jackson.

"No, Lorelai's on her way. We're meeting here before work."

Luke sighed and smiled. "Right, ok. Good."

"Good?" Sookie eyed him suspiciously.

"I mean, good that you two are… going to work… and getting breakfast," he stumbled over his words.

"Ooook..."

Lorelai's stomach was going crazy with pangs and butterflies as she walked up to the diner. She asked Sookie to breakfast to be a buffer, but she still felt like this was going to be awkward and wasn't sure what to say to him, or how to act normal. Maybe she would just focus on Sookie and let the conversations flow from there. She took a deep breath and walked in.

"Hi!" She said, overly excited, compensating for her anxiety. "Have you ordered?" She sat down next to Sookie, wishing she hadn't chosen the bar as their breakfast spot.

"Not yet, but Luke is on his way with you coffee."

"Oh. Great! Uh, thanks."

Luke set her coffee cup down in front of her and began to pour. Lorelai noticed a small ace bandage around his right hand and thought she would have some fun. "What, ah, what happened to your hand there, Rocky?"

Luke's eyes bugged out at her. "Oh, um… I just, dropped a can of… thing on it."

"A can of thing?" She mocked, her anxiety calming now that she saw how easily she could still mess with him.

"Yep," he was sticking to his story, "heavy stuff." He walked away to deliver orders to other customers.

Sookie looked confused, but figured she just missed something. "That was weird… So tell me about the man!"

"What?"

"I saw him drive off this morning when I was on the porch rocking Davy! He stayed at your place, right? How was it?" She let out a girly squeal. "Ohh! How was the sex?"

Luke walked back right as she decided to add that last sentence. Lorelai's eyes darted to meet his and quickly returned to Sookie. "Oh, um, he just came over. Uh, nothing happened," she lied, "it was nice." She saw Luke's upper body relax at her words.

"Oh, well that is nice!" Sookie agreed. "He'll be there this weekend, right?"

"Be where?" Luke couldn't stop himself and asked as he pretended to organize things on the counter.

"Oh, we're just having Sookie and Jackson over for a double date," Lorelai answered, "nothing too exciting."

Sookie waved her hands in excitement at Luke. "Oh oh oh! You and Nicole should come!"

Lorelai tried to interrupt, "Sookie, I don't think—"

"It will be so fun! And we'll finally get to know Nicole more! It would be great! Don't you think Luke?"

Lorelai tried to get him out of the situation so he wouldn't have to answer politely. "Luke doesn't want to—"

"We'll be there," he interrupted.

"You'll…"

"We'll go. Hang out at your place. Get to know Nicole, meet… _Jason_ … We'll be there."

Lorelai sat confused, staring at him for an explanation, but he walked away to get back to work.

"It's going to be so great!" Sookie exclaimed.

 _What the hell was that?_ She thought. _Is he trying to be THAT friendly, that we can just get along with Nicole and Jason? Is he not struggling with this like I am?_ Questions floated around her head throughout breakfast, but she decided through the banter of that morning that they could make it work. And apparently, she would be hanging out with Nicole this weekend. _Ok,_ she resolved, _this is a good thing. I'll try as hard as I can to forget about what happened with Luke and act like everything is normal. It will be good._

…

They all sat around Lorelai's living room laughing and joking, telling stories. Lorelai, Sookie, and Jackson did most of the talking and Jason and Nicole would chime in here and there as everyone tried to get to know them. Luke was mostly quiet, but that wasn't uncommon for him, especially in a larger group. They had been friendly at the diner all week and Lorelai felt great that they could all have a good time together. And she was happy that Jason got along so well with her friends. She was on her 4th drink when she noticed Luke staring at Jason's hand on her thigh, his jaw twitching. She forcefully joined the laughter when Sookie finished her anecdote and Jackson began another. She leaned in as Jason whispered into her ear.

"You look so sexy tonight," he said and slid his hand a little further up her thigh, alcohol making him more liberal with PDA.

She faked flattery and pushed his hand back to an appropriate spot. When she glanced over to check on Luke, she saw him excuse himself and walk toward the kitchen.

"Nicole, give us your most juicy lawyer case!" Sookie pried.

Nicole laughed and started to tell a story, but Lorelai couldn't focus.

"I'll be right back," she said to Jason. He nodded and moved his arm so she could get up.

She walked out the back door when she saw that Luke wasn't in the kitchen. He stood there, beer in hand, on the back porch. The door closed behind her.

"Why did you agree to this? You're completely miserable."

"I don't know," he said quietly.

"Nicole is nice," she said, trying to be friendly and cut the tension he was creating. She walked over next to him by the porch rail where he was staring out at nothing. She walked carefully so as not to stumble in her intoxicated state. "Cool Lawyer-y stories."

Luke nodded and continued to stare blankly. "Jason's nice. Handsy."

She shook her head. "You're not even trying, Luke."

"What did he whisper to you?" He said, turning to look at her, jealousy taking over.

She turned to look back at him, "you're drunk."

"So are you."

"Let's go back in, we both have guests here and we shouldn't talk to each other alone… or while drinking… not yet. It's too soon. Dangerous." She was shocked at her own wisdom while under the influence.

"He probably told you he wanted to take you upstairs. Undress you."

"We were doing so good, Luke! Come on! Friendly banter all week, nothing alluding to our problems…"

"Touch you more."

"Luke, stop it," she demanded weakly.

"Get his hand under that skirt. Am I right?"

"I mean… I guess, in a way," she answered, giving up. "He just said I looked sexy, that's all."

Luke's eyes lowered to her low-cut blouse and nodded. "He's right," he said, meeting her eyes again.

"Luke…" Her pleads to go back inside got weaker with his intense stare.

"What if it was my hand?" He asked.

She was confused by the question. "What?"

"If it was my hand, where would you want it to be?"

Her breathing started to get heavy and her eyes lidded as she thought about the answer. He took one step towards her.

"Your thigh?" He suggested. "Your back?" His voice was low, fueled by alcohol and lust as he spoke slowly but deliberately. "Your stomach?"

Lorelai closed her eyes and remembered the sensation of his hands on her stomach. "Luke… we're drunk, this isn't—"

"Your breasts?" She gasped quietly at the suggestion, heat rushing through her. "Would you want me to feel how wet you are?

"Yes," she breathed out in an airy moan.

Luke stepped in again and pressed his body to hers, pulling her into him so her stomach made contact with his erection through his thin slacks. "Feel that? That's how badly I want to touch you."

"Oh God..." Lorelai whispered, tempted by her instincts to arch into him.

"Lorelai?! Luke?! Where did you go?" Sookie called from the kitchen.

"Dammit!" Lorelai exclaimed as she pushed him away. She looked to make sure Sookie wasn't standing at the door, then turned back to Luke and scolded him in a whisper. "Look. You're the one keeping us from having this. You. Not me. You don't get to sit there brooding over the fact that my boyfriend is touching my leg and calling me sexy. I shouldn't have to feel guilty for it or for anything I do with him. Go home and sleep it off, Luke. You would never talk to me like this sober."

She opened the door and walked in, "Hey sorry! We were having some trouble changing the water! We figured we could all use some," she laughed.

Luke looked to his left and saw the full bottles of Ozarka sitting in a corner. He sighed and adjusted his pants, then grabbed a bottle.

He finished changing the water and brought a glass to Nicole. When Lorelai caught his eyes again, she turned to Jason and whispered into his ear. Jason's eyes rolled back and an excited grin appeared across his face. Lorelai looked at him again stoically.

"Nicole, I don't have any early deliveries tomorrow," he said to his wife, "you ready to head back to _our_ place?"

Lorelai shook her head and rolled her eyes as they walked out. _No more couple's parties._ She thought.


	4. Chapter 4

Luke awoke the next morning and turned in his bed to find himself next to a different woman than the one he dreamed of. As soon as he realized this, the events of the night flooded back to him and hit him like those bricks Macaulay Culkin threw at the wet bandits in Home Alone 2.

"Idiot!" he whispered, fist to his forehead. He made sure Nicole was asleep before walking into the kitchen to make a phone call. No answer.

…

"Weston's?" Sookie asked, seeing the coffee cup Lorelai held in her hand when she arrived at the Dragonfly to figure out all the details of construction.

"Oh, um…" Lorelai pointed to her head, "hangover."

"Ah, hangover coffee. Definitely don't want to ruin Luke's coffee with nausea."

"Exactly," Lorelai agreed, impressed that she got away with that excuse.

"Hey I wonder if Luke has version of hangover food," Sookie said, "do you think he would eat fries or something greasy?"

"Nah," the conversation amused Lorelai, "he probably just puts spinach in his salad instead of kale."

Lorelai's phone rang for the fourth time that morning. She looked at the caller ID and silenced the ringer before putting the phone back in her coat pocket.

"You can answer! I don't mind!" Sookie said as she organized the construction plans a stack of wood that would pass for a table.

"Oh no, it's okay, Rory just calls me on her way to class sometimes but I can call her back later," she lied through her teeth before joining Sookie in looking at the plans.

Lorelai knew he was sorry. She knew he would wake up regretting the way he acted last night. She didn't need to hear it from him to know that. But she didn't want to talk to him until she knew what to say. She thought last week that they could get back to how they used to be, but last night proved that there was still this thick tension between them and it really sucked. She would talk to him, but she wanted to come up with a plan first to help ease the tension somehow.

Well, the plan-to-create-a-plan was thwarted when she drove up her driveway after her meeting with Sookie to find Luke hammering a floorboard on her porch.

"Luke?" She walked up the steps, reaching into her purse for her keys.

"Oh hey," he looked at her and back to the porch, seeing that he should explain, "I came over to see if you were home and noticed you had a loose floorboard and thought if you or Rory tripped on it then your plans for the Dragonfly would be delayed because you broke your leg or Rory wouldn't be able to write because she twisted her arm and would have to drop out of Yale, so naturally I decided I should fix it and avoid both of those situations."

Lorelai laughed softly as Luke set his tools aside, "Well thanks for not allowing either of our dreams to crumble."

"I've been calling you all morning," Luke said, stepping forward.

"I know," she replied, "sorry I didn't pick up, I just—"

"Can I come in for a minute?" he asked.

"I don't know if that's a good idea, Luke." Lorelai looked around to see if any neighbors were within earshot, happy to see Babette's car gone from her driveway.

"I'm so sorry about last night," Luke apologized quietly.

"I know you are," she responded, shaking her head and waving her hand, as if to say that this wasn't necessary right now.

"I was an idiot."

"Well, yeah, kinda."

"I didn't mean what I said. I was drunk. That wasn't me."

Lorelai pressed her lips together thinly and eyed him, unconvinced. "I don't know Luke. I'd say that _was_ you with a little liquid courage."

"No, that wasn't it… It was—"

"So you didn't mean it when you said you wanted to touch me?"

Luke froze in silence, unable to spin his way out of that one.

"I believe my thigh, stomach, and breasts were all on the list," Lorelai sparred, "not to mention that real shocker which I still can't believe came out of Luke Danes' mouth." Lorelai could see the redness in Luke's cheeks as she reminded him of his words. "So now you're going to tell me that you didn't mean it? That that was the alcohol talking and it had nothing to do with how you really felt?"

Luke sighed and shook his head. "No, that's not what I—"

"Actually, you really don't have to _say_ anything. You proved to me that that _was_ how you felt in a pretty big way last night… no pun intended… but pun appropriate… so unless you had just popped a blue pill, I'm going to assume it was your imagination about touching me that was so 'happy to see me'." Though she dismissed it immediately, she couldn't help but to be a little turned on at the memory of Luke pressing himself up against her.

"Lorelai, I'm sorry I treated you that way… That was…"

"God, you really don't get it, do you?" Lorelai's frustration took hold of her mouth. "It's not that I'm this delicate flower and I'm pissed about the way you treated or talked to me. Don't you know my mind? It's in the gutter 96% of the time! What you said was hot and surprising and sexy as hell, but… it was to the wrong woman, Luke!"

Luke's head jolted back and his eyes widened as he listened to what she had to say. Lorelai didn't know if this was the right way to do this, but she didn't have sufficient time to come up with another plan, so she decided to work with what she had.

"Listen," she began quietly and slowly, thinking as she spoke, "I know it seems early, but things with Jason are getting serious." She liked Jason and things were going well, but she knew she was stretching the truth quite a bit. "The more I spend time with him… the less I…" she struggled to get the words out, sharp pain jabbing her chest. "The less I think about you." She saw Luke's face drop, his eyes boring into her with a sadness she hadn't seen in him before. She hated this, but she didn't know what else to do. "Before our little moment last night I was really happy that we could all just be ourselves and hang out together, you know?"

"Yeah, of course… Sure." Luke placed his hands on his hips and nodded, agreeing a little too much to cover up his sadness.

"I just feel like I'm… over it… over, um, over you… and we can move on and be friends again and you can make things work with Nicole, like you want."

Luke nodded, still not making eye contact.

"The only difference is now I know you're packing," Lorelai joked, trying to lighten the mood and make light of the situation.

Luke's cheeks beamed again and he rubbed the back of his neck laughing shyly, "Yeah, you're right. That's good. _I mean_ the Jason and moving on thing, not the…" Lorelai smiled at his embarrassment, "I'm just gonna go."

Lorelai nodded, "I'll see you at the diner. Thanks for fixing the floorboard!"

Luke nodded and waved a hand as he walked away.

When Lorelai walked in the house, she shut the door and leaned back against it before sinking down to the floor with a whiney moan. "This sucks."

…

Weeks went by and Luke and Lorelai found their friendly balance. She went to the diner however many times a day she needed a coffee fix (not a Luke fix, _never_ a Luke fix, she tells herself) and eventually they got back into their old routine. They would rant and banter and enjoy each other's company without any awkwardness. Lorelai caught him glancing at her cleavage twice, but she wondered if he'd always done that and she's just now noticing. He is, after all, a man—she had proof. They were able have fun together again, like to team up to make Kirk uncomfortable for "flirting" with Lorelai, and Lorelai was beginning to feel like she could resume prying into his personal life.

It wasn't until their first serious conversation during those weeks that Lorelai's feelings began to resurface. She tried to stuff them back down to that place where she stores all her vulnerability, but Luke's protectiveness over Rory made her heart flutter. She couldn't stop smiling at his words:

" _Please don't tell Rory, he'll be gone tomorrow. No reason to upset her."_ She recalled. Jess had come into town uninvited and Luke wasn't exactly pleased with his arrival.

" _Well, she's already seen him."_ Lorelai explained.

" _Oh man…"_

" _She's fine, Luke. She's over it."_

" _Well he won't go near her! I'll make sure of that!"_ his words were firm and determined.

She turned on the TV to get her mind off of him and the first show that came on was _Cheers,_ and Sam and Diane were in the midst of their first passionate embrace.

"Seriously?" Lorelai whispered, but she continued to watch, her lips tingling with the memory of Luke's kiss that night she confessed her feelings to him. She got up and walked around the couch, opened a front window, needing some fresh air, then immediately changed her mind when the bite of winter swooped in. She shut the window and pushed the little lever to lock it.

"JesusMaryAndJosephMarkHamill!" She yelled as the glass from the window shattered. She jumped and stared in shock for just one moment before a smile formed on her lips.

"Hey, Luke, it's Lorelai," she said, leaving a message, "I just accidently broke a window and I know how you feel about me hiring someone to do things around the house when you could just do it for free, so, um… Do you think you could come over and fix it? Now, or not now… just when you have time. Ok. Thanks. Bye."

 _It's just the logical thing to do and he'll get all crazy if I don't ask him,_ she told herself. _I'm not backtracking. This is what Luke does as my friend._

She tapped the phone to her chin, smiling involuntarily as she looked at the broken window.

…

"What did you do?" Lorelai asked as she assessed the strange situation of Luke staring at his hand after climbing through her upstairs window to get in the house.

"I promised to fix your window so here I am to fix your window," Luke explained.

Lorelai saw the problem he was looking at, "Oh my god, you cut yourself!"

"Glass was broken."

"Hence the need for fixing," Lorelai leaned in to look at his hand and she caught a whiff of ethanol as he grunted. "I'm sorry, are you drunk?"

Luke laughed at the accusation, giving Lorelai her answer and causing her to smile, finding amusement in the fact that she has now seen Luke drunk two more times than she ever thought she'd witness.

"I am not drunk, I don't get drunk," Luke tried to rationalize. "I had some beer… beers! More than one… a few… And then I came here and I climbed your tree."

"Well, good thinking," she said sarcastically, thinking it had to have been a lot more than a few beers. He was much more drunk than he was the other night. She's not sure if he would even remember being here later.

"And then I fell out of your tree."

"Huh. Sit down." She gestured toward the couch and walked to the kitchen.

Luke continued to tell his story, speaking louder so Lorelai could hear, "I landed flat on my back, I felt like Kirk!"

"Hold your hand up in the air!" she yelled.

He complied, "And then I climbed back up the tree. This time I made it. I got in! Sorry about the lamp!"

Lorelai's stomach dropped at the thought of him climbing through her second-story window. "You know, Luke, you could have broken your neck!"

"Oh it would have been alright if I had- I would have fixed it because that's what I do, I fix things. Even when they don't want to be fixed."

Lorelai returned and sat by Luke on the couch with a wet rag and Barbie Band-Aids. "Let me see your hand."

"Why?"

Because its bleeding and I need to look at it," She takes a look and is immediately repulsed by the sight of blood "OOohhh, gross!" She seals her eyes shut and pats the rag on his wrist, her other hand under his, holding it steady.

"Its fine, leave it," he suggests.

"I can't leave it its cut!"

"That's my wrist," he notes, slurring his speech as she pats the wrong area.

"Oh, sorry," she looks to find the right spot and cleans it before opening the Band-Aid.

"You're very good at this." He remarks sarcastically.

"I don't like blood, okay?"

"Then leave it alone"

"No I can't leave it!" She covers the cut with the Band-Aid. "There."

With her hand holding his steady again, Luke moves his fingers to intertwine with hers. "I'm having déjà vu," he says, emphasizing the wrong syllables.

Lorelai moves her hand away uncomfortably, not knowing exactly how she should handle this side of Luke- his drunkenness was different this time, and much more… drunken. "Me fixing your hand or you sitting in my living room with your BAC through the roof?" she asked.

He snorted. "Both, I guess. Mostly the hand."

She laughed lightly, agreeing with him. "You want to tell me what happened?"

He began his story loudly, "Today I found out what a big dumb idiot guy I am… Just an imposing, judgmental know-it-all who blows around yelling and complaining and screwing up everybody else's life."

Lorelai scoffed at the thought, "I hardly think you're—"

"I'm dumb! You know? Not like Jess, Jess is smart, you know he doesn't care about anybody else's life- he just takes care of himself." Luke drunkenly laughs at himself to avoid the pain of whatever happened.

"Did you and Jess have a thing?" Lorelai gathered.

"He informed me that I am an unwelcomed burden to everyone around me!" he laughs like an insane person at his own misery.

"Luke, that's not true"

"Yes it is," he continued to laugh.

"Luke, stop it." She hated seeing him like this. Of all people, Luke was the least burdensome person she could think of. "Jess is an unhappy kid, Luke. He's angry, so he doesn't mean the things he says."

"He did me a favor," Luke said sadly.

"He said those things purely to hurt you! It's not true in the least!"

Luke looked at her intensely as she talked. She smiled at him when their eyes lingered on each other a little too long. Then his lips suddenly leaned into hers, catching her by surprise, her heart racing faster. She leaned into him exhaling, capturing his soft bottom lip, a light moan escaping from her throat. His clean hand found her jaw, which he grazed lightly before combing his fingers through her hair to cup her head. It wasn't until she tasted the alcohol on his tongue that she came to her senses and pulled away, realizing that he's drunk enough to forget that this even happened.

"Wait, come back…" Luke pleaded, his eyes barely opening.

Lorelai looked at him, hand on his chest, and sighed at the fact that this wasn't real. "Listen, why don't you hang out here, rest for a little while. Okay? I'll go get you a real bandage."

"I like the Barbie ones."

She grabbed a pillow and gestured for him to lay down. "Yes, honey but the other kids will beat you up if they see you with one of those!"

"You said yes!" Luke yelled and sat back up as she tried to walk out the door.

"What?" she walked back in a few steps.

"When I asked you…" nerves mixing with beer did not help his ability to put sentences together, but he managed to figure it out eventually. "When, with the touching and the…" his state gave her plenty of time to walk back to the couch, nervous but curious as to what he was talking about. "I asked if you wanted me to… touch… and you said yes."

"Oh, um…"

"And then the next day you said you were over me. So I'm confused."

Lorelai looked to the side, thinking of what to say. She tried to decide if she could risk being honest and hope he doesn't remember, or if she should just walk out and assume he'll fall asleep without an answer…

"If I'm the Great Fixer, why can't I fix this?" he asked.

"Luke… we're trying… It's complicated. Just give it time."

"I'm in love with you."

Although Lorelai's heart fluttered, she rolled her eyes to the ceiling, knowing this conversation wouldn't be happening if he was sober. She patted his knee and stood up to leave. He was snoring lightly before she even walked out the door.


	5. Chapter 5

**Short chapter because I desperately need to study for a big exam. Hope you enjoy it anyway!**

 _Why does he only say this stuff to me when he's drunk?_ Her anger fumed as she walked around town for his bandages and decided to pick up some food for dinner when she realized the sun was setting. _I'll let the 'love' thing slide... I already knew he felt that way and I had just been taking care of him and he wasn't in his right mind… but he had obviously been thinking about the 'touching' conversation, so why did he say before that he didn't mean it? He's the one that wanted to make things work with Nicole! He can't just get drunk and make a pass at me and blame the beer!_

The more she had time to think, the angrier she became. She walked into the kitchen through the back door, assuming Luke was still sleeping and unpacked the food Caesar cooked from the diner. Luke awoke as he heard her stirring. He groggily sat up and looked around the darkening room and walked toward the kitchen looking at his hand.

"I have a handful of Barbie," he said playfully when he saw Lorelai.

She threw the new box of Band-Aids toward him.

"Uh, thanks…" he said, opening the box and pulling a new strip out.

"You sober?" Lorelai asked, still focusing on organizing her food.

"Not feeling 100%, but sober, yes."

She retrieved a bottle of water from the refrigerator and slammed it into Luke's chest. "Good, drink some water."

She returned to her food, then threw a plate of salad down in front of him, the plate loudly hitting the wood. He noticed that she hadn't made eye contact with him once since he walked into the kitchen. "You know, my memory is a little fuzzy, but I do recall you being more pleasant earlier… I know you at least sympathized with the Jess situation."

"Yeah well, that was before I had time to think about my visit with the drunken window fairy."

Luke winced. "What did I say?" He wasn't sure he wanted to know.

"Nothing." She fumbled with the to-go boxes and dropped a packet of ketchup.

Luke stepped in and touched her arm. "Let me help."

"Don't!" She said loudly, yanking her arm from his touch, freezing in place.

After a moment of stillness, Luke got the feeling that he wasn't wanted there. "Maybe I should go," he said.

"Sober lack of follow-through," Lorelai nodded and prodded angrily, "sounds about right."

"What the hell is your problem?"

"My problem is that you're a coward!" She yelled, finally turned to face him.

"How do you figure that?"

"Oh I don't know… Let's start with the fact that you're with a woman just to avoid the _hassle_ of getting a divorce?"

Luke rolled his head back, "Oh my god, that's not _why_ we're together."

"No?"

"No! We're together because we love each other and avoiding the divorce is the logical thing to do if we're staying together! It's logical! Convenient!"

"Are you trying to convince me or yourself?"

"I'm not convincing, I'm explaining!"

"You know, the last time I checked, the term 'Marriage of Convenience' didn't exactly have a positive connotation," Lorelai pointed out.

"Hey at least I'm not afraid of commitment!" Luke fired back.

"What!?"

"Yeah, at least I made it to the actual alter before bolting on someone I _claimed_ to love! You want to talk about lack of follow-through, Lorelai? Look in the fucking mirror!" Luke turned and walked toward the front door.

Lorelai's raged fumed as she followed close behind him. "And why is it that when Luke Danes is sober, his honesty gets buried by a huge landfill of bullshit?"

"Oh please," he said, unsuccessfully trying to stop the conversation as Lorelai crossed in front of him before he could reach the door.

"Yes, Luke, please explain why it is that when you're sober, you just dismiss your comments about wanting your hands all over me, by claiming that alcohol makes you a completely different person? Are you actually telling me that Drunk Luke is this love-sick horn dog and Sober Luke wants nothing to do with me? Sounds a little too Jekyll and Hyde if you ask me, maybe you should get some help for your multiple personalities!" Lorelai opened her arms to question him as she stepped in closer.

Luke took one step in, leaning forward, speaking harshly with his hand gesturing firmly. "Lorelai, I can tell you without a doubt, as sober as I am in this moment, that I want nothing more than to leave this house and, oh! Guess what? My hands are perfectly content going with me without touching you!"

"Oh _really?_ " she asked, accepting the challenge he didn't know he offered

"Yes. Really!"

Luke took a step back when she crossed her arms in front of her, grabbed the hem of her shirt, and swiftly removed it over her head, dropping it to the ground. His eyes immediately dropped to the black, lacy bra only covering about 1/3 of her rounded breasts.

"Then leave," she said, her voice returning to a normal volume, but still challenging his claims. She stepped forward. "Walk through that door and pass up this free invitation to touch me however and wherever you want."

Luke swallowed. His pride wanting to walk through the door, but he was unable to take his eyes off of her body. He stepped forward and grabbed her roughly, one arm around her waist, the other landing on her breast, squeezing it in every way so he could feel her filling his hand. He quickly moved forward until her back hit the door. He kissed her lips and neck as his other hand possessed her other breast. She leaned her head back against the door and refused to let herself get caught up in this heat, swallowing any moan that tried to make its way to her throat, determined to make her point, but struggling to stay focused when his hands moved all over her body: her back, her ass, her stomach. When he moved one cup of her bra to feel her skin, he groaned and leaned his weight into her more.

"What else, Luke?" she said darkly, "what else did you want to feel?"

Luke placed his hand flat on her stomach with his fingers pointing down. As he kissed her neck, he slid the hand down slowly, passing the waist of her jeans. His fingers were two, maybe three inches into her jeans when he felt her grab his wrist to stop him. He brought his face back from her neck and saw her staring at him. She moved her hand to his chest and pushed him back forcefully.

"That's what I thought," she said, proving that she had won. She walked toward him again with her finger pointing at him sternly. "But I _will not_ be the other woman, Luke."

He stood in her hallway, trying to get his mind up to speed as she grabbed her shirt from the floor and marched up to her room.

She threw her shirt back on as she waited for the door to slam, but it didn't come. Confusion spread across her face as she heard footsteps walking up the stairs.


	6. Chapter 6

"He hasn't been here all morning," Caesar told Lorelai. "He told me to open and he wasn't sure when he would be in."

Lorelai was already nervous about going into the diner after such an intense night with Luke, but now she was even more concerned that she was reading too much into it. Was he mad? Avoiding her? Did he spend the night with Nicole? Did she say something wrong? Maybe she shouldn't have let it go that far. Dammit! She rethinking everything now.

She finished her breakfast and drove to meet Sookie at the Dragonfly.

"Lorelai! What's wrong?" Sookie could see that Lorelai was on the verge of tears.

"I think I messed up," she looked around to see if any of the noise of the construction was coming from people nearby. "I went too far and I think I scared Luke away and now I'm afraid I'm going to lose him completely," she cried.

"Woah woah woah! Honey, what are you saying? What happened with Luke?"

"So much. I'm sorry I haven't told you, it's just too hard and it hurts and last night got so intense, and then Jason and I broke up and I'm just feeling really—"

"What?!" Sookie chimed in. "When did you and Jason break up?"

"Last night." Lorelai wiped a tear from her cheek.

"Okay sweetie, I'd really like to follow you here but you're going to have to explain."

Lorelai started from the beginning, from the day Luke told Lorelai he had moved in with Nicole and detailed the events that had occurred since, up until their current conversation.

"You told him you love him?!" Sookie yelled excitedly.

Lorelai smiled, "Yeah, I did."

"He kissed you?!" Her arms waved as she squealed in excitement and Lorelai's story continued.

"Why did you let me ask them to our couple's dinner?!" Sookie hit her palm to her forehead when Lorelai revealed the absurdity of that situation.

"OH. MY. GOD." Sookie swooned in shock when Lorelai got to the part about the conversation on the porch during the couple's dinner. "Luke Danes said THAT?"

"Yeah, then he pressed himself against me to let me know how much he wanted me."

"Pressed himself against you?"

Lorelai looked at her with a you-know-what-I-mean look, "Like, _himself,_ " she said.

Sookie gasped dramatically then leaned in and quietly asked, "Was it big?"

"Sookie!"

"Come on, this is better than a Nicholas Sparks novel! Was it?!"

"It definitely wasn't small!" she exclaimed to Sookie's satisfaction.

Lorelai continued her saga as they walked around the inn, multitasking so she could make sure everything was running smoothly and tell her story in a more distracted way so she wouldn't get so upset.

"Wait, so you just stripped your shirt off in front of him?!" Sookie asked, admiring Lorelai's ballsy approach.

"Well, I'm nothing if not competitive!"

Lorelai finished the story as they walked outside and stood in front of the inn.

"I don't know, Lorelai. I just don't think Luke would run like that. Give it some time. I'm sure he'll call." Sookie patted her friend's arm to comfort her.

"You have no idea how many emotions we went through in such a short amount of time last night, Sook. It was just so much. Maybe too much."

"I don't know what to say."

Lorelai smiled, "You don't need to say anything, I'm just glad to get all of that off my chest. Thanks, Sook."

…

By the time she finished work at the Dragonfly and made a stop for groceries as Doose's, it was almost time for dinner and her stomach was growling. She peaked around Doose's and into the windows at Luke's, but she saw no sign that its owner was there. She sighed and got into her jeep to drive home.

Lorelai trudged up the stairs of her porch and fished her keys out of her purse. When she reached the door and looked up, she saw a piece of paper that had been taped to the door. She set her groceries and keys down on the porch and stood back up to read it. She couldn't help but to smile and recall the events that unfolded the night before…

…

 _Luke appeared at her bedroom doorway, hands in fists at his side._

" _Going out the way you came in?" She said with biting sarcasm, gesturing toward her window._

" _You know what, Lorelai?" she knew this tone- a rant was coming. "Yes. You just won whatever game you were playing down there. But you won because I'm a man and you knew exactly how to manipulate me! And yeah, I guess you're right- alcohol does make me a little more frisky. Pretty sure that's universal!" Lorelai rolled her eyes and put her hands on her hips. "But what you don't seem to get is that I don't focus on that when I'm sober because I don't love you for your body, Lorelai! And I'm not even talking about being_ _ **in**_ _love with you. I mean my friend, the person, Lorelai Wont-Shut-the-Hell-Up-Stomach-of-Steel-Pass-the-Caffeine Gilmore." Lorelai's eyes and heart softened, but her hands remained in place on her hips, stubbornly maintaining her angry composure. "I love_ _ **you**_ _. I want_ _ **you**_ _. Your heart, your bat-shit-crazy mind. But I'm married and you're with Jason and things are apparently 'getting serious' and honestly- I don't think you take relationships seriously!"_

" _Hey, that's not fair!" She yelled back._

" _I'm not done!" Lorelai stepped back, startled that he raised his voice even more. "You've made it crystal clear that you're over me- you don't want me! I get it." She winced as he spoke with such conviction. He really believed what he was saying and the fact that it wasn't true made Lorelai's chest crawl up into her throat. His voice cracked as he stumbled through the next sentence. "So go ahead and be with Jason! If not him, it's going to be Chris or Max or some other guy you actually respond to and want back!" He turned to leave, only getting one step into his pursuit towards the stairs before he paused at her reply._

" _I really hurt you, didn't I?" She said softly. "I never realized it before now—just how much I hurt you, but I did… And I'm so sorry, Luke."_

" _What are you talking about?" He said, turning his head to listen, but keeping his back to her, still ready to leave if he needed to._

" _You keep mentioning Chris." She saw his shoulders tense up even more. "We had a date that night we were supposed to paint the diner and I stood you up. For him."_

" _It wasn't a date," he said defensively, holding an arm out, turning so that his side now faced her._

 _She stepped in closer to him. "Can we just be completely honest with each other for once? I mean, It kills me to realize how badly I may have hurt you, but it sucks more that we can't just get everything out in the open and we're both walking around all confused and we say one thing and then—"_

" _It was a date!" he interrupted. "Ok? It was a date. At least to me." He shuffled his feet and looked down at the floor while his hand nervously rubbed his neck. "I'd been thinking about you all day that day. When we bought all the paint earlier that week you were wearing a red shirt with this white symbol thing on it," he pointed to his chest to show where the symbol was, "and jeans and, I guess that doesn't really matter, but it was what I pictured you wearing when we painted."_

 _Lorelai smiled sadly. "Well, I'd never paint in that shirt," she joked._

" _And we'd had these moments throughout that week- finding that baby chick in your house and the moment on the floor of the diner, the one where you said you were waiting for me to kiss you?"_

" _Yeah," Lorelai acknowledged._

" _Well I wanted to, but I kind of…" he hesitated, "I don't know… I guess I thought it would happen while we painted." Lorelai's eyes lowered, a pit forming in her stomach. "So when I gathered that you were with Chris…"_

" _God, Luke, I'm…"_

" _It's fine," he said defensively again._

 _Lorelai stood and stared for a moment, seeing how protective and defensive he was of his own heart. He feared vulnerability just as much as she did. "So… is that why you're hesitant to be with me?" she forced herself to ask, "because I lost your trust that night?"_

" _No it's not an issue of trust, I don't think," he said automatically, then shuffled again, finally looking up to make eye contact. He searched her eyes, wondering if he could really tell her the truth._

" _Tell me," she said._

 _He sighed as he decided to continue. "Christopher just kind of solidified what I already thought. Before that… there was, ah…" he looked away from her again._

 _She took another couple steps forward, her heart open, needing these answers. "Tell me, it's okay." She brought her hand up to rest on his, but wasn't sure if she should touch him right then, so she drew it back and let him think._

" _Earlier that same year. It was the first snow of the season. I saw you outside the diner while you were on a walk." Luke lost himself in thought and Lorelai saw a small smile form on his lips. "I was frustrated at the time, but when I saw you… god… I'd never seen anything so beautiful." Lorelai's could feel her cheeks burning. She bit her cheek and held back tears. "I had always been in awe of you, infatuated, but that night, your smile alone made me forget whatever it was I had been complaining about." Luke met her eyes, they both smiled- he at the memory and her at his words. "You told me a story—the one about your insane relationship with snow." She chuckled lightly and nodded. "That's when I knew. There was no other woman I could possibly love more than you." Lorelai inhaled deeply, suddenly needing more oxygen. Her eyes widened as she tried to calculate the time frame. But then Luke's demeanor changed, and her smile faded as she searched his face when he looked away once more. "I asked you to come in so I could cook for you and you declined, which was fine, I just figured you wanted to be alone for your walk through the snow… But later that night I saw you with—"_

" _Max," Lorelai whispered, squeezing her eyes shut._

 _Luke nodded. "Kissing him." Lorelai searched for words to say, something to explain, or make it seem better, but she came up empty. "So it's not a matter of distrust. It's that, with every new guy, it was more and more clear that I wasn't good enough, I'll never be good enough. I can't—"_

" _I'm not over you," Lorelai said, desperate to stop the words that were coming out of his mouth. She placed her hand on his arm. "I lied to you the other day. I wanted to get back to the way things used to be and wanted you to think I didn't care that you wanted to be with Nicole, so I lied and told you I was over you. But I'm not. Not even close."_

 _Luke shook his head, "you don't need to try and make me feel better."_

" _I'm not trying to make you feel—"_

" _You don't think about me like I think about you, Lorelai. You don't want me like you wanted those other guys!"_

" _I do think abou—"_

" _I don't even turn you on! That's pretty obvious! You'll run as soon as someone better comes along!"_

 _Lorelai's heart sank. She took his shoulders and forced him to face her completely. "Luke! Shut up for a minute," she commanded. "You are my best friend, my biggest support. You love my kid, you protect me and take care of me the minute you see something is wrong!"_

 _Luke rolled his eyes and tried to look away, "Yeah, but…" His face was forced back to look at her when she took his head in her hands._

" _I'm an idiot for taking so long to figure it out, but I love you, Luke. And I realize now that I've hurt you and I don't know what to say to get you to trust me, but I do want you- if you'll have me."_

 _Luke closed his eyes and sighed, leaving Lorelai unsure of whether he believed her._

" _And as far as you turning me on," she shook her head and laughed lightly, thinking it's ridiculous for him to think he doesn't get her worked up. "Between what happened downstairs and what you've said to me up here, you wouldn't believe—" she paused and bit her lip as she looked at him._

 _Luke frowned, "What?"_

 _Without taking her eyes off him, Lorelai unbuttoned her jeans and pulled the zipper down. "I'll just prove it to you", she said. She took Luke's hand and watched his face go from confused to shocked and undone as she guided his hand into her jeans, letting his fingers land at her folds, pooled with wetness. They both breathed more deeply and more labored, his eyes rolling back. "That's what you do to me," Lorelai said in a low, dark tone, eyes still boring into his, "that's how hard it was for me to walk away earlier. You do turn me on, Luke. I'm just stubborn." She removed her hand when she knew she had proven her need for him, smiling at his inability to speak, anticipating for him to claim his hand back after she let go._

 _But Luke stepped closer, held her waist with his free hand, and slid in further, her wetness so abundant that his fingers practically slipped into her entrance. "Luke!" Lorelai gasped and grabbed his biceps to hold herself up as his unexpected movements made her lose her balance. Luke had trouble standing himself as he pumped two fingers into her slowly, her warmth and tightness making him melt and groan into her neck. He slid his hand back to let his fingers pinch and massage her clit, bringing his head up to watch her. Lorelai moaned and panted as her face strained- he couldn't keep his eyes off of her, in disbelief that he was the one giving her this pleasure. Lorelai's hands moved from his biceps to his chest and grabbed his shirt in her fists._

" _Oh my god, Luke, I have to touch you." She said, her hands reaching down to find his belt._

" _Wait." Luke stopped her and slowly, reluctantly removed his hand from her jeans._

" _No!" Lorelai whispered. "Don't stop. Oh god, please don't change your mind!"_

" _I'm not, I'm just—"_

" _Is this some sort of really mean payback?"_

 _Luke shook his head. "I just have to go take care of something."_

 _Lorelai understood and nodded. "Okay. I guess I should too."_

" _I might not be back tonight though."_

" _That's okay, I understand. I'll see you at the diner tomorrow."_

 _Luke agreed, kissed her sweetly on the lips and turned around to leave. When she heard the door close behind him she picked up her phone and dialed. "Jason? Hi… We need to talk."_

…

She stared at the paper on her front door, holding it in her hands, certain that she had never been so happy to see something so depressing.

"I've been running around all day trying to speed up the process."

Lorelai turned around to find Luke walking towards her across the lawn.

"Luke, you could have just—"

"I didn't want there to by any question. I want to be with you completely." Luke walked up the steps and stood facing her. "That is, if that's still what you want."

She looked back at the photocopy of Luke and Nicole's signed divorce papers. "Is it even legal to make a copy of those?"

Luke laughed. "I'm not sure. I didn't ask."

Lorelai looked directly into his eyes. "This is what I want, Luke. You're all I want… And also my kid. And the Dragonfly. And I like my friends and my house too. But as far as men go- just you. 100% you."

Luke smiled, "Hey crazy lady?"

"Yes?"

"Would you like to have dinner with me tonight?"

Lorelai looked at him with the smile he fell in love with that snowy night three years before. "I'd love to," she said as she leaned in for a kiss. "Hey Luke?"

"Yeah?"

"If you ever walk out on me while your hands are in my pants again, it's over."

Luke laughed and kissed her forehead. "Deal."

 **That's all, my friends. Thanks for sticking with me through the story! I hope you enjoyed and I already have some other angsty stories I'm whipping up, so stay tuned!**


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